


Breath (Should I Take a Deep)

by Phoenix_Flower_Techtress



Series: The Things We Fear [1]
Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: Canon Compliant, Crack and Angst, Fix-It of Sorts, Gen, Inappropriate Humor, KH3 spoilers, Kairi's not here right now okay, Underage Smoking, and her boys are super protective, friends getting high together, my baby Kairi NEEDS a personality, that mary jane guys, that one conversation with Axel really got away from me, you have disappointed me for the last time nomura
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-22
Updated: 2019-04-22
Packaged: 2020-01-24 05:21:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,004
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18564763
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Phoenix_Flower_Techtress/pseuds/Phoenix_Flower_Techtress
Summary: Kairi knows that Axel wants to talk about what's been bothering him. From his refusal to take off his Organization coat, to the sudden preference for his Nobody's name, to the memories he's forgotten that somehow have something to do with her and Sora. She knows that he wants, no NEEDS, to talk about it. Maybe finding a small forest of oddly shaped plants(that Axel is super excited to find) will provide them the opportunity to let their walls down for moment.AKA: The fic that explains why Kairi seemed like she wasn't even in the same room with everyone else during the meeting in Yen Sid's Tower (or that makes me less upset about it).





	Breath (Should I Take a Deep)

**Author's Note:**

> This was originally supposed to just be a silly little headcanon I came up with to make myself feel better about the fact that canon Kairi keeps showing so much potential to be a great character with a cool personality, but then she just falls flat. I want her to be cool! She deserves to be just as awesome in canon as she is in fanon, gosh darn it!
> 
> But then Axel started talking about the whole Identity Crisis thing that I honestly felt people weren't really talking about. At least, not in fanfiction. That ended up making this take a rather angsty turn, so I decided to add it to my "Fears" collection. These are all one shots based off of each line in the song "Face My Fears," to really explore just what it is that our heroes fear. 
> 
> I hope you guys like it.This is my first time writing for this fandom, as I'm still pretty new to it (I'm in my mid-twenties, but was never able to play this as a child), but it's quickly become very dear to my soul. Please, be gentle!

  "Is this what I think it is!?" Kairi jumped at Lea's --no Axel's-- sudden shout behind her. She turned to find the taller redhead making a break for it through the trees. He passed the treeline and disappeared in a mass of strange, leafy plants that towered overhead.

  Kairi scowled as she pushed her sweat-drenched hair out of her face, only for it to fall right back where it started. She'd thought cutting it would be the best decision she ever made with how humid the days got in this place, but now she sorely missed the simple action of pulling it back in a ponytail to escape the heat. How Lea --no Axel-- managed to run around with that thick mane of a hair style and that gods-awful leather number her friend refused to give up wasn't necessarily a mystery to her (he was a master at fire magic, after all), but she still low-key resented it. You'd think she'd be used to humidity after living for over ten years on an archipelago, but that was _**different**_ , and one of the reasons she'd wanted to _**leave**_.

  She groaned in displeasure at the prospect of following Le -- _ **Axel**_ \-- into that mess. All she wanted was to sleep in her tiny, air-conditioned house (Merlin was an amazing wizard, he just refused to "disrupt nature" to make it a little less hot) after what felt like months of training, but in reality took no time at all.... But she really, really didn't want to be left behind ( _again_ ). So, forward she marched, and as soon as she started paying attention the smell hit her like a freight train. What were these strange plants?

  Kairi frowned in thought, an expression Riku used to joke was a mirror image of Sora's thinking face before he became distant, and guarded, and so, so angry. The plants were covered in oddly shaped leaves, almost like stars... but also like fans... Whatever they were, they didn't grow on the islands, but at the same time were vaguely familiar... like she'd seen them before. The plants themselves were beautiful with flowing green branches and little purple tinted buds, but she couldn't decide if the smell was pleasant or not. Axel seemed excited to see them, though, so...

  Kairi suddenly realized she still had no idea where her training partner had disappeared to, and that was starting to worry her, as the sun was starting to set. These plants were so tall they created their own forest, making getting lost an uncomfortably high possibility. Light filtered down from the boughs of the tree-like plants, but the shadows and the red-tinged rays of the setting sun made seeing difficult. How long had she been wandering?

  Still, she continued on, knowing Sora and Riku would have done the same. Kairi called out as she carefully looked around, trying to spot a head of bright red hair.

  "Lea--OOW!!" she cried when she tripped over something on the forest floor. "Axel!"

  "What?" a familiar voice, though tinged with a light, breathy quality, came from whatever she'd just fallen over. Her cheeks flushed red when she felt a light breeze across the back of her thighs, silently cursing the fairies for giving her such a tiny skirt. Why couldn't she have gotten pants like Sora, or shorts like Riku? But when she turned to face her friend, she was was relieved that he wasn't even looking at her. His eyes were closed as he inhaled savoringly from a tightly wrapped burning leaf in his hand. When he breathed out, contented chuckles followed a plume of strong-smelling smoke. "Cool..."

  Kairi was even more confused as she climbed off of his splayed out legs. "Axel, are you... Are you _**smoking**_ these plants?"

  "Sshhhuh....." Axel waved her off with comically stilted movements. "They're called caaanabis. And nobody's smoking anything..." Inhales. Slowly breathes out. Wide smile. "I'm just breathing in the atmosphere..."

  "Axel, you're literally smoking a burning leaf," Kairi deadpanned.

  Axel just looked down at his hands in shock. "WhaaaaaaT?" he really emphasized that 'T'. He giggled and inhaled again.

  Kairi was intrigued. Were the plants making Axel act like this? Axel finally caught sight of her face and narrowed his hazy green eyes.

  "What are you looking all frowny at me for? Is that your thinking face? Roxy used to do that. Roxy and...." he trailed off in confusion as the thought escaped him, but then promptly forgot what he was saying. "Wanna try it?" He held out his burning leaf in a grand sweeping gesture. "Makes me feel like I'm back in Neverland with Roxy, flying high over the water." His smile grew impossibly wider. "That was a fun day."

  Kairi blinked. Axel _**never**_ talked about Roxas. Not with her, and not with Sora, though, she knew her best friend was dying to ask. It was a painful subject, one everyone took care not to push, but she wasn't sure if Axel was grateful for it. So many things confused her about this man who had once dragged her away from her home to lure Sora into a trap. From his insistence that he keep wearing his Organization coat, to the sudden preference for his Nobody's name, to his forgotten memories that Kairi's sure she reminds him of. She _**knows** _that Axel wants to talk about it, she can feel it in her heart, but he just doesn't want to make himself vulnerable like that. Or maybe he just doesn't know how...

  She takes a deep breath, feeling the second-hand smoke tickling at her lungs and already working to make her feel lighter than usual. Obviously, they can't talk normally, but it isn't good for Axel to keep bottling things up like this. It's probably why his Keyblade is so confused, what with his heart being so twisted up. But Kairi could never, in good conscience, coax information out of Axel while he was clearly under the influence of this cannabis plant and she herself was as sober as ever. Unsure if this made her any better, Kairi made her decision.

  "Sure," she grins as she reaches out to take the rolled up leaf from Axel. She breathes in, and immediately chokes on the sudden onslaught of smoke in her lungs. Axel laughs beside her, but leans forward to rub between her shoulder blades anyway to help.

  "That happened to me my first time. Isa, too. You get used to the feeling, and then the only way to go is up." He made a whooshing sound as his other hand shot straight into the air like a rocket. "Here, try again, but don't breath so deep."

  So, she tried again, and she still coughed a little, but over all she felt better. She felt better than better... She felt... "Invincible..."

  "Oh, yeah, little Kairi coming up in the world!"

  Excitement coursing through her veins, Kairi dove in to take another puff.

  "Heeeey...! Show some decorum, _**apprentice**_! Pass... the... joint! You get one puff, two is pushing it, but then you pass it along. It's only good manners."

  Kairi nodded stiffly as her deep blue eyes clouded over. "Ohhhh shit! I'm so sorry.." Her hand flowed over to pass the newly named Joint, not even questioning why her hand was flowing anywhere. "I'm so sorry, Joint, can you ever forgive me?" she whispered.

  Axel holds it up to his ear. He nods solemnly. "He says you're forgiven," and he breathes in, letting the smoke wash over him.

  "IIII'm sooo glad. WAIT!" her eyes shoot wide.

  Axel nearly chokes. "WHAT!?"

  "Why does Joint have to be a Boy? Why can't he be, like, a girl? You know?"

  Axel pouts, "Because I like my Joints the way I like my men..."

  "How?"

  "Inside my mouth!"

  Kairi squeals and they both fall over each other laughing at the joke neither of them would have spoken or even found funny while sober.

  Time passes slowly, or maybe it doesn't pass at all considering it doesn't matter here. Eventually, the giggles die down, but the light airiness that is them remains. They lie beside each other under the leafy canopy of cannabis watching the stars flicker down from splashes of the night sky. Axel passes over their newly rolled Joint, brushing his leather-clad fingers against her hand, and the vague thought pushes through the haze of her mind that she wanted to ask him something.

  "Axel.." Inhales... Exhale... "Why don't you want to be Lea?"

  Axel doesn't answer for a while, and Kairi starts to wonder if she ever actually said anything as she passes back the joint. When he finally speaks, it doesn't sound like an answer, and Kairi almost forgets what she even asked.

  "I had a best friend, too. Back in the 'Before Time,'" he chuckled at his ominous voice. "We always got into aaaaalll sorts of trouble, and that Squall guy was, like, the biggest killjoy ever when he found us. And he aaaalways found us. The one time he didn't.... and it was honestly the only time I wished he had... that was the worst kind of trouble... and it was my idea..."

  "Axel..."

  "Isa... Isa doesn't get to come home.... neither does Roxas... or... or... or whoever it is I'm forgetting!" he shouts in a sudden burst of frustration that fades as quickly as it comes."Why should Lea get to come home, you know?"

  Kairi presses a hand to her heart. Sora, Riku... Naminé... they didn't get to come home either. It was why she couldn't stand to wait on a beach by herself anymore.

  "I think, I do know...."

  Axel passed the joint. He didn't ask for it back. **\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

  When Kairi inhaled the last puff the beloved Joint had to offer, Axel quickly took it from her to stamp it out beneath his foot. He hadn't had anything to use as a filter when he'd rolled it, so as much as it was a shame to waste good weed like that, he was pretty sure Kairi wanted to keep her lips.

  Axel had come down from his high ages ago, sobered up from the their conversation earlier. He's sure Kairi did it on purpose, getting high with him in order to get him to talk. He couldn't say he was upset with her, though. If anything he was relieved, and maybe a bit impressed. All of those feelings had had a hold on him for so long, and his newly re-completed heart couldn't even begin to remember how to shift through them. He felt freer now than he had in a long, long time, and he knew he had to thank the Princess of Heart that was nearly passed out beside him. The totally badass Princess of Heart that had managed to swindle him out of tightly withheld information. How much more impressed could a former spy and master manipulator get?

  It was late, though, so the praise and thank yous would have to wait until morning. Time to put the princess to bed. Well, that was the idea anyway.

  Just as he was crouching down to lift his training partner's lightweight form into his arms (lift with your legs, Axel), a bright light flashed beside him causing Kairi to jerk awake. The glazed look hadn't left her eyes yet, as she slowly lifted her head to the now approaching newcomer.

  "Ah! Wonderful! You're both here, I'm glad I caught you. Come now, mustn't dilly-dally." Their batshit crazy magic trainer turned to leave just as quickly as he appeared.

  "Wait, Merlin, where are we going?"

  "Hmmm?" Merlin frowned in confusion. "Oh! How silly of me! Master Yen Sid has summoned the two of you to his tower. Quickly, now! We mustn't keep him waiting!" And with that, the three of them popped out of existence in a great beam of Light, and reappeared at the steps of the Mysterious Tower. "Now, then, I'm sure you can find your way from he-- Oh, good gracious me, what on Earth is the matter with her?" Merlin finally noticed Kairi staring listlessly off into space with wide, glassy blue eyes.

  "The Lights are so pretty," she giggled to herself.

  Oh shit.

  "SHE'S... um... just tired... that's all..." He rubbed the back of his head with a gloved hand. "Really, we both trained extra hard today, but I'm sure climbing up all those stairs will wake her right up."

  They both looked back at Kairi, who clearly looked like she was about to fall over. Axel was certain that he was done for. All that training to be a Guardian of Light, and it would all be for nothing, when he'd be zapped into a crisp for corrupting a Princess in about two seconds.

  But no punishment came. After a few moments of thinking, Merlin merely shrugged and popped out of existence in another flash of Light, an echoey "Good Luck" calling back to them. Well, at least, he wasn't dead.

  "Axel, why does the ground look so close?"

  "Look out!" Axel cried as he hurried to keep her from falling on her face. She had literally been leaning over towards the ground. This girl was going to kill him. His eyes widened as a thought occurred to him. If she didn't kill him, then Riku and Sora definitely would when they found out about this. Why had he thought this was a good idea? Didn't Isa always tell him he had the worst ideas when he was high as a fucking kite? Axel really, REALLY hoped neither of them were here, but deep in his heart, he knew it was a false hope. What would be the point in summoning him and Kairi in the middle of their training if something big wasn't going down? He still had trouble calling the damn thing, for crying out loud!

  Axel took a deep breath. Breathe in... Breathe out... just like his mother always taught him when he got too excited as a kid. He could get through this. All he had to do was cover for Kairi during the meeting, making sure no one paid too much attention to her, and then hightail them both back to Radiant Garden before anyone had the chance to ask any questions. It's the perfect plan. He could do this.

**...........**

  He couldn't do this. This plan was stupid. Everyone was here, including the lost Guardians, Master Aqua and Ventus (who looks JUST like Roxas, this isn't fair). Everyone, that is, except Kairi, who is clearly in another _**galaxy**_ , right now.

  Shit. Fuck. Fuck-shit. Shit-fuck.

  Master Aqua is _**talking**_ to her, _**and Riku and Sora are giving her funny looks, and what the fuck was he supposed to do--**_

  "I guess it must have worked, the spell that I cast on you."

  Kairi's eyes are blown so wide and clouded as she tries to work through the words Aqua spoke directly to her. "I'm sorry," she starts off slowly, "those days are hazy for me." Though, to be honest, the present is probably just as hazy, right now.

  And now she's _**bowing**_ , and both Sora _**and**_ Ven are giving her the frowny thinking face, just like--- _**That's it**_!

  Axel clears his throat obnoxiously loudly again. "This is all very touching, guys, but where do I fit in?" He starts waving his arms around like a madman, trying his absolute best to drag everyone's attention off of Kairi and onto him. "Ven looks just like Roxas--- or is it Roxas looks just like Ven?"

  Now that he has their attention, he just has to keep it until they completely forget about Kairi's strange behavior.

  "And now I have to explain all that--- which is in itself a crazy long story--- a-and apparently everybody already knows everyone, and this is an insane amount to get memorized!" He finishes with his hands thrown dramatically into the air, and doesn't bring them down until he hears a familiar chuckle.

  "Sorry, Lea," Ven tries to placate him, and with two little words, Axel is completely thrown off guard.

  "You remember me?" But no one remembers the old Lea... nobody but...

  "Yeah, 'course! We're friends. I can't believe you became a Keyblade wielder just like me." Like it hadn't literally been thirteen years since that day they meant in the Square at Radiant Garden. Well, it seems, for Ven, it was more like a few days ago...

  "O-o-o-oh, yeah," Axel doesn't have the words. For the first time since he'd been re-completed, Axel felt like Lea again, even if just a little.

  And just like that, Axel successfully managed to pull everyone's attention off of Kairi's less than presentable state (including himself for a minute there, and that takes _**skill**_ ). It's not until the end of the meeting that Kairi finally says something relatively coherent, trying her best to cheer Sora up with the rest of them (even if she's blinking excruciatingly slowly while she does it).

  He thinks he's gotten away scott free as he and Kairi exit the building at the bottom of the stairs, but really he should have known better. All of a sudden, Axel froze in his steps, panic gripping him as ice climbed it's way up his legs until he was completely encased in it from the chest down.

  Kairi let out a heaving laugh that sounded way more like honk than anything, really as she commented, voice slower than ever.

  "Haaaaa! Axel, look, you're made out of ice. How weird is that when you're soooo good at fire?"

  "So, Axel," came the expected voice of the single most annoying Keyblade Master of all time. The redhead managed to turn his head just enough to catch a glimpse of a silver-haired figure crouching with his Keyblade rammed straight into the ground, crystal white tendrils of ice creeping out from the embedded blade towards Axel's body. He noticed the second presence appear nonchalantly in front of him as Sora continued,

  "Mind telling us what's up with Kairi?"

**Author's Note:**

> For the record, I have never been high, nor have I ever been around people that were high. Everything I know about cannabis, and rolling joints, I learned from my good friend Google. (They are not smoking ditchweed, for all you knowledgeable readers out there; it is a strand unique to Radiant Garden, where I imagine their training forest to be located, just separated into a pocket dimension. Think of the sky like the ceiling in the Great Hall at Hogwarts that's magicked into replicating what's happening outside). 
> 
> The idea to roll the joint up in a leaf came from this old fantasy miniseries from the late 90's that I'm low-key obsessed with called The 10th Kingdom. Also, when Axel mentions "The Before Time" in an ominous voice, that's a reference to a South Park episode. 
> 
> I hope everyone enjoyed it. Please, let me know what you think! Comments give me life.
> 
> One-shots in this collection won't really be posted in any chronological order, but I'll let you in the author's notes when each fic takes place.


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